Surely enough, I have found myself in a season of waiting. In a season of truly searching myself and finding out how much I have faith in the Lord...or how little faith I have and needing to gain some. When thinking about graduating this last school year I desperately wanted to have a job lined up for right when I graduated so that I could hopefully skip this "waiting" period. Because let's be honest...waiting is hard, really hard. I started applying at places back in October and have been actively applying for jobs ever since. This summer was going to be the perfect time to save money because I don't have bills to pay and I would have a great cushion of finances going into marriage.
I've been contacted by a few places, a very few in comparison to how many I've applied for, and some places I never even had a follow up from. After almost a month of being a graduate, I'm still searching. The Lord has worked a few things out for me...He has a funny way of doing that doesn't He? But I am still waiting and still don't have a job set in stone.
Now, this gets a little nerve wracking when you throw in the fact that I'm 4 months away from being a married woman and really wanting to purchase a house this summer. I need a job to make these things happen, a wedding is happening nonetheless, but 2 incomes when we get married is just a touch necessary. I just wrapped up a woman's bible study last week called "Let.It.Go" and it has been teaching me how to let it go and not be so in control of my life but to let God be in control. One little quote really rung true to me "God is not worried". Thinking about that just blows my mind and reminds me that God is not worried that I currently don't have a job because He knows His perfect plan for my life and he knows what lies ahead...and that's why he isn't worried.
Let's be honest, I get tired sitting at home day in and day out. I try to find things to fill my time each day but there's only so much you can do. But maybe this is God's way of giving me some rest, some me time. Because we all know that after I ran myself ragged during school the last 3 years, rest was surely needed. And once I begin working, there's a pretty good chance I won't stop...for quite some time...oh 30, 40 years ya know.
Someone told me the other day that I was a child of God and He always, always, always takes care of His children and He will take care of me. He has already opened a huge door for me that I pray works out, if it is His will.
During this time I want to allow my heart to become extremely dependent on Jesus, as it always should be. I want my faith to grow so big that I put all my eggs in one basket...the Christ basket.
Lord, may you mold me during this season of my life. Mold my heart into trusting you faithfully day in and day out and stand confident knowing that You alone know what is best for me and already have my future mapped out, you're just waiting for the right time to reveal that to me. Remind me daily that your timing is far better than mine could ever be. Show me that I am your child and you will never leave or forsake me. May my life be filled up with so much of You that my cup runneth over. Love me in this time dear Lord, because I need You.